Nawazuddin Siddiqui, who is known for his powerful performances and raw honesty, recently opened up about one of the darkest phases of his life during a heartfelt conversation with Raj Shamani. The actor reflected on the years before 2012 — a period marked by struggle, rejection, and despair — when he even had suicidal thoughts.In a rare moment of vulnerability, the Gangs of Wasseypur star revealed that for years he lived in a loop of hope and disappointment. “Before 2012, it often happened that I got opportunities and then lost them. I started believing that maybe I wasn’t meant to achieve anything significant in life because whenever I got something, it slipped away,” Nawazuddin said. He shared that several films and projects he was supposed to be part of went to others, leaving him feeling helpless.
‘I thought nothing would ever happen for me’
The actor admitted that during that period, his financial condition was fragile and his self-belief had started to break. “Everyone goes through a point where they feel like giving up — you start thinking maybe it’s fate, maybe it’s bad luck. I used to think the same: ‘Nothing will happen now.’ Then something small would give me hope again. This cycle continued for 7–8 years,” he said.Despite feeling defeated, he never lost his passion for acting. “Eventually, I accepted that maybe nothing big would happen. I told myself, ‘Even if nothing happens, I’ll still act — for free if I have to, even on the streets.’ But when opportunities came, I couldn’t believe they were real. I thought they’d be taken away too,” he recalled.After years of rejection, 2012 marked a breakthrough for the actor when three of his films — Gangs of Wasseypur, Kahaani and Talaash — released back-to-back. “That’s when I finally started believing that things do happen — they just take time,” he said.
‘I was surrounded by death, I thought I might die too’
Opening up about the time he had suicidal thoughts, Nawazuddin shared that the feeling came much earlier, around five years before his breakthrough. “Some of my friends had died — one in an accident, another due to mental illness, one by suicide. We were a group of struggling actors living close to each other, and I saw so much pain around me,” he revealed.
He described how the phase took a toll on him physically and mentally. “I had become very weak and thin. My hair would fall out if I just ran my fingers through it. I was torturing myself mentally. I genuinely thought I might die too,” he confessed.Recalling a haunting memory, Nawazuddin said, “There was even a time when I stood at the side of a railway track. I was taking the train and thought, ‘Should I just step forward?’ Then another thought came — ‘No, I shouldn’t leave like this. Life might forgive me, just like acting has.’ And I stepped back.”
‘Life might forgive you too’
Today, the actor sees that dark phase as the foundation of his strength. From being a struggling actor who doubted his purpose to becoming one of India’s most respected performers, Nawazuddin’s story is a reminder that perseverance, even in the face of hopelessness, can turn pain into purpose.
